Have you stumbled upon A Place For Mary in a Google search?  If so, it’s likely you’re dealing with and addiction that has taken over someone you love, and you’re looking for help.  You’ve come to the right place to start your own journey towards a healthy life.

Addiction is devastating to anyone close to an addict; spouses, parents, partners, and friends alike.  What is the biggest roadblock to truly helping them to recovery?  The answer is simple.  It’s LOVE.  Love gets in the way, blinding you to simple things that are actually enabling the addiction.

ENABLE – definition – According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary, the word “enable” has three meanings as follows:  (click here for full definition)

1. to provide with the means or opportunity
2. to make possible, practical, or easy 
3. to cause to operate

Synonyms include: allow, empower, let, permit.

There are many articles written on enabling.  Take some time to read “Enabling 101: How Love Becomes Fear and Help Becomes Control” by Kyle S. King, LMFT, LCPC on the website, Good Therapy.   In her article she makes some very sound and telling statements.  Two that struck a chord with me were:

• “The one thing that all enablers have in common is this: they love someone who is out of control, and they find themselves taking more responsibility for the actions of that person than the person is taking for themselves.”

• “When you stop enabling, this does not mean that you stop loving the person. It does not even mean that you cannot help him or her.”

In her article, Ms. King sites examples of things an enabler might be thinking or even saying to others.  You might find some of those statements sound familiar and hit home.

So, what’s next?  What do you do?  How do you remove the roadblock that LOVE presents?  You’ve made the first step by reading this far. Continue to educate yourself on addiction and begin to make changes in your own behavior and the interaction you share with your addicted loved one.   A Place For Mary is here to provide you with useful information to help you on your journey to becoming a supportive, yet non-enabling partner, loved one, friend.

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